Testament: The Order of High Human Review – GameTopic

Testament: The Order of High Human Review - GameTopic

Testament: The Order of High Human – A Speech to Forget

At a recent wedding, I witnessed a cringe-worthy moment that I’m sure many of you can relate to. Picture this: a slightly inebriated guest stumbling to the front, ready to give an impromptu speech that lacks any semblance of preparation or coherence. They string together unrelated anecdotes, desperately trying to fulfill what they believe to be a social obligation. Well, let me tell you, Testament: The Order of High Human reminds me of that very speech. This fantasy adventure is like someone trying to recreate Skyrim from memory, without having ever played a video game before. It’s filled with nonsensical ideas executed so poorly that playing it feels nothing short of agonizing.

Let’s start with the setting of Testament, a land called Tessara. Sound familiar? That’s because it’s yet another generic fantasy world with the usual suspects: halflings, dragons, and fire-wielding folks. You play as Aran, an immortal god-king who has been betrayed by his greasy and oblivious brother. The story begins with no explanation or context, stripping away any potential for emotional investment or excitement. It’s as if the game assumes we don’t need any background before diving straight into monster-slaying. And trust me, these monsters aren’t even fun to fight.

As you journey through Tessara, you’ll be bombarded with cliché-filled dialogue about Light, Darkness, and Truth. It’s the same old tired rhetoric that begs to be skipped, but guess what? You’re not allowed to skip it. The story throws a ton of characters, history, and lore at you, but it’s all just empty fluff. You’re constantly subjected to long, repetitive monologues that go absolutely nowhere. It’s like listening to a high school drama club recite Shakespeare poorly, but without any self-awareness.

The biggest problem, however, is the protagonist himself. Aran, the all-knowing god, keeps babbling on about ancient events and backstories that have zero relevance to the current quest. It’s a classic case of “telling not showing” taken to the extreme. Who needs interesting gameplay or character development when you can have your protagonist narrate random stories while you mindlessly hack and slash your way through identical fights?

Speaking of combat, get ready for a whole lot of frustration. Testament’s combat is a painful experience that makes you question your life choices. Wave after wave of enemies will swarm you, leaving you with little room to breathe or strategize. The melee combat is mind-numbingly repetitive, consisting of dodging attacks and spamming the same basic combo over and over again. There’s no depth to the combat – no blocking, parrying, or counter attacks to master. It’s all about mindless button-mashing and hoping for the best.

And let’s not forget the joy of dealing with shielded enemies and darkness zones. These mechanics take the frustration to a whole new level. Shielded enemies are invulnerable until you reveal and shoot an invisible eyeball floating above their heads. In the midst of chaotic combat, this becomes an exercise in patience and anger management. Darkness zones, on the other hand, drain your health and mana while you desperately search for smaller eyeballs to shoot and disable the effect. It’s a repetitive and draining process that you’ll have to endure repeatedly throughout the game’s unnecessarily long campaign.

There are occasional breaks from combat in the form of platforming and puzzle sections. These moments provide some much-needed relief from the atrocious combat encounters. Jumping around temples and solving simple puzzles may not be groundbreaking, but they offer a welcome change of pace. It’s like a ray of sunshine breaking through the dark clouds of monotony.

To add insult to injury, Testament is riddled with bugs and performance issues. From frame rate drops to crashes, the game is a veritable greatest hits album of technical problems. I even encountered developer objects that were never meant to be seen and quests that became unplayable until I died or reloaded a previous checkpoint. Oh, and let’s not forget the grand finale – the final boss fight that crashed my game five times in a row, only to reward me with an ending cutscene that played at a whopping 10 frames per second. Talk about the cherry on top of a disastrous gaming experience.

In conclusion, Testament: The Order of High Human is a game that tries to imitate epic fantasy adventures like Skyrim but falls hilariously short. It’s a mishmash of bad ideas, convoluted storytelling, and infuriating combat that will test even the most patient of gamers. Save yourself the agony and steer clear of this game, unless you enjoy subjecting yourself to virtual torment.